Givers and Takers
I was in church on a recent Sunday when something inspiring caught my attention. There was a mother in a pew with 3 small children. The youngest was crying very loudly. The next youngest was fidgeting while the mother tried to comfort the youngest. Most people turned away as individuals are prone to do, not wanting to get involved or hoping the child would stop crying.
Then I noticed a gentleman several pews in front of where the mother and children were walk back to them. He did not appear to know them but he saw the mother needed help. He offered to sit with them. It allowed the mother the opportunity to walk to the back of the church and comfort the youngest child. When the mother first left the pew the 2nd youngest started to make a fuss. The gentleman held the child, comforted him assuring him that his mother would return shortly. At the end of the mass they were all sitting together quietly as everyone left the church with the children completely contented.
When I first started in my own business, I was taught as a business owner of a small one person business, I needed to network with others. While not natural to me after a corporate career, I began to do so. The first experiences were very painful. I’d be going to meetings where it appeared all that happened was that people were putting business cards in my hands, telling me what they did and moving on. By the end of the night I was exhausted. While I continued to go to these events for a while, I never found them enjoyable.
Fast forward seven years and my perspective on meeting and working with those I have not known previously has changed. It comes down to the understanding that first before I will work with anyone, (or for that matter, they will want to work with me), we need to get to know each other. Additionally, I’ve learned it is not about getting out there what I can do for them, but instead, listening to what they need. While certainly at time I may be a “taker”, (and there is nothing wrong with being a “taker” in and of itself as we all need assistance from others), I’m also looking at how I may be able to help the other person. In helping that other person and giving of myself, I often find I “receive”, especially when I can see them relieved when I have offered them the advice or solution they need.
We are all “givers and takers.” However, those of us who experience it the best are those who genuinely want to “build relationships” with others that we meet. Building relationships allows us to know others better. When situations arise in our life that may be opportunities for others, we put ourselves in a position to recommend them. It is as if the situation actually shouts out to us with the name of the person of whom we are thinking.
Assess where you are on the scale of “givers and takers.” If you are concerned about being perceived as being a taker, even in time of need, know your time to give will come. Just get to know the other person and what they are about, and you’ll be ready when your giving opportunity comes. And, if it appears that people don’t respond to your requests, are you constantly asking with no sense of either offering something in return or just looking to get to know the person better. Remember there is nothing wrong with taking, if the spirit and energy of giving is always a part of you.
