The Impact of the Words “What If”?
I was in conversation recently with a colleague of mine. I was expressing my concerns about some upcoming events in my life. After I expressed what was on my mind, my colleague who has dealt with people’s emotional issues for several years said to me, “You just said the 2 words that will most likely provoke anxiety in an individual.” Those words were “What If.” She went on to explain, that when anyone lets those words enter into their thinking, or the thoughts they are expressing, they are taking away from their ability to experience and enjoy the moment, and more so concentrate all their efforts on an upcoming event and circumstance that may or may not even happen.
As we continued our conversation she went on to explain that there is nothing wrong in terms of “planning for the future.” In fact, she encouraged me to do so with the items which were causing me concern. In doing so, I was likely going to take steps that would lead me to the best possible outcome based on the facts as I knew them to be. Over the years she had known me to be a person who thought out things very well. I knew what would most likely work for me. After the conversation, I began taking my colleague’s advice and applying it to the items concerning me. Now that those events have occurred, and looking back on the entire experience, the planning that I did, the questions that I asked if I was unclear about something I was about to face, and realizing I had a choice in terms of those items in which I would participate and the ones I would not, showed that my concerns were truly taking away from my ability to enjoy my life in the present.
It is very few of us that don’t fall into the “What If Trap.” Those words tend to enter our vocabulary when we are facing a situation that takes us out of our comfort zone. My experiences helped me to truly empathize with those that I work with that are in job search. Many of them have not had to search for a job in years. Suddenly they are introduced to tools and methods that may not have existed the last time they searched. In other instances, perhaps a company or industry of which they were a part is now gone. They have never thought about what they did for work as having “transferable skills.” For many, it was a job, something they did that helped them to pay their bills, something which they felt they would be doing for the rest of their working career, or at least until they were old enough to have other income streams come into their lives. And, now in facing the unknown, the “What Ifs” begin to creep in. What if no one will hire me? What if I am not capable of learning new skills or software needed to do another type of work? What if I’m considered too old, or not someone who has shown they can work in this industry, or one of the many items I hear expressed in conversation with those in job search transition with whom I work.
Before my own situation, I had never given much thought to the power of the words, “What If.” Now I am far more conscious about listening to them in my own speech and the speech patterns of others. I realize that the words are pointed toward an “uncertain future,” which means the event or item they’re spoken about has not happened yet, and there are still steps “in the present” that can be taken to plan for what is causing the concern. Additionally, they are impacting one’s ability to enjoy the present. The present is truly all we can influence in any given moment. The past has occurred, and the future is always going to have its uncertainties. By focusing our efforts on the present, it allows us to do the best we can in that moment, and also experience it for the lessons it is meant to teach us. As I am now more aware, I encourage you to listen closely to your thoughts, the words you say and the words others may be saying to you. And, if they contain that “What If” phrase, give yourself permission to say that I may not know fully how I’ll handle that situation if it occurs, but I will give it thought and planning to be in the best possible position to address it, if and when it occurs.
