The Conflict Within

The Conflict Within

Over the past month I had the opportunity to take a personality assessment that was administered by a fellow coach. The assessment which is part of the ROSE Personality Style Guide indicated that my personality traits defined me as a “Sapphire.” When reading the description of the Sapphire personality, I was not surprised by what was there.

The description introduced me as being socially motivated, being a good listener, interested in learning about others, being loyal, enjoying helping people and being extremely sensitive. Additionally, the assessment indicated Sapphires tend to “avoid conflict” and that their good nature may cause them “to bend to the point of breaking.” All of these factors connected with me.

For those who tend to want to “avoid conflict” or looking to consider everyone else’s feelings in dealing with challenges that come up in one’s life, these last couple of years have not been an easy time. Conflict just seems to be something that is all around us. Whether it come from the nightly news, your own local neighborhood, the groups of which you are a part or even within your own family, I must admit I can never recall a time where individuals were more vocal about defending their own opinions and beliefs. Beyond that point, it can be very stressful when one not only looks to defend their beliefs, but looks you to take on their beliefs. For some your failure to take on their beliefs, is a signal to end a relationship.

When one is a Sapphire as I am, you often take the conflict going on around you and internalize it within yourself. Is there something I could be doing to defuse the conflict? Are there ways that I can get everyone to at least accept each other’s right to be different? Is there a way that I can just have everyone get along?

Likely the answer to these last three questions is NO! That said, what am I able to influence and control? Certainly, I have the accountability of “self-care” for myself. That has meant evaluating just what things in my life are still working for me and which ones are not. I must admit, when I think back, that I was spoiled for a long period of time.

My coaching work built for me a lifestyle that provided me a good balance of seeing clients in person and virtually or via telephone if they lived far away. Now, just about 100% of my work is done virtually. That means there have been less times for social interactions during the day, unless I make a strong conscious effort to build those opportunities in. It has meant seeing different individuals going in and out of my life, that had become a regular part of it. For some, it was because they evaluated their own life and said they needed to move away, change professions, or choose not to continue to connect if it meant all those connections were virtual. In my personal life it has meant seeing family members far less frequently, losing family members to illness and old age, or frankly seeing the physical environment around where I live change, as businesses had to adapt to the realities of the pandemic, (from sidewalk dining that spill into the street, to buildings that I knew torn down and rebuilt in a completely different format). The changes keep going on and on and on.

So how will I address the conflicts within? As I am writing this, I don’t completely know. I know I am looking forward to some time away with my wife and a close friend that will have taken place by the time this is published. I have already given thought of perhaps not renewing memberships or subscriptions to groups or publications that are no longer calling to me. At the same time, I have realized that I have enjoyed two aspects of my professional life more than ever. Those are namely the actual one to one coaching of clients and the doing of seminars/webinars to share my knowledge on the topic of job search.

What about yourself? Have you been facing conflicts from within you? How do you think you may address them? Again, realize you are not alone. And, while sometimes assistance can come from others to point you in the direction you want to head going forward, you may very well need to start within yourself to think through the answers that will work for you.