Taking on a Selfless Demeanor
Recently I was feeling frustrated. I’m not even sure what had me not feeling my best, but I do remember that I was looking for someone to blame for my bad feelings. That is often a very human tendency. In particular when we believe we are expected to complete a task the way another wants us to do it, it can often lead to discontent on our part. We may be uncomfortable doing it the way asked. It may cause us inconvenience or appear to be adding unnecessary steps. Whatever the source of discomfort, our energy starts to sap from us and our mood darkens.
When this happened to me, I experienced all these feelings and more. I lashed out at those around me. I bemoaned the tasks I was doing. And, then I thought back to something that I had learned in my life coaching classes several years ago. Often when we do things our way, we can be accused of being selfish. And, as such we go through life with the feeling that if we don’t do things the way another wants, this is how we will be perceived. However, there is another mindset I learned in my studies. That is the one of being selfless. It is one of which individuals are not often conscious.
By definition, selfless is being concerned more with the needs of others than with one’s own. And, while by its very definition, that would make it the opposite of selfish, there is a lot more here than meets the eye. The selfless person, who truly practices putting the needs of others ahead of one’s own, is many times the happier person. True selflessness occurs when one suspends judgment to the outcome and is more involved in the process or methods that will work best for all concerned. When extended to oneself, the selfless person stops “the blame game” and instead looks to determine solutions instead of bemoaning problems.
It is not easy being selfless. The human ego has a habit of getting in the way of that happening. How will I look to others? Will I be conceived to be incompetent, make myself look foolish or appear that I am not worthy of the success or good fortune that I am receiving? Am I afraid of someone else being perceived as being better than me? When an individual takes their life experiences and places judgment and evaluation on them, ultimately it strengthens the possibility of draining energy from their mood. The more often that happens, and the more it becomes a pattern the more likely one is to live life as being perceived to have “a negative attitude” by those around them.
Bad moments come into each of our lives. Whether it is searching for a job, making a transfer from one city to another or within our personal relationships, inevitably one will be challenged. However, the opportunity to get through the down moments, along with the good moments, increases when we look to have that which we experience benefit not only ourselves, but those around us. One does not have to look to change the world. It can be as simple as holding a door for the person behind us when we enter a public building as opposed to having it close in their face. Or maybe it is just smiling and saying hello to someone you pass by as you walk down the street. For some acting selfless can be very difficult, while for others it continues to be a way of life. However, I know from my own personal experience, I sure feel a lot better about that which is going on around me when selfless behavior is how I choose to live out my day.
