Only You Can Choose To Move Forward From Being “A Victim”
Before my coaching practice focused predominantly on job search strategy, I was trained as a Life Coach. And, while I still inject aspects of my life coach training into the work I do with clients, this fact was reinforced in me this past week.
I was with a group of attendees at a networking support session for those in job search. Often individuals at such meetings may attend more than one such meeting in a week. That I see as a favorable sign, because it often expands the attendee’s network of contacts, may expose them to multiple topics which will help them in their search, and expose them to different approaches to working through the job search process. At the meeting I was at, some of the attendees were expressing their frustration about a very negative attendee at one of the meetings they had attended the day before. The conversation went on to elaborate on how one negative thought actually led to 2 or 3 others by this person in terms of what was happening in their life.
We all know such people who handle every negative experience in their life as “a victim.” Such feelings are not pleasant for them, but they are also not pleasant for those around them and for those with whom they interact. At a time when they need to be expanding their base of contacts, putting their best version of themselves forward, and looking to impress potential hiring managers that they are the right person for a prospective job, they sabotage themselves from the get go. And, often the victim will have a litany of other reasons why they are not moving forward with their job search, (eg. my age, they want to hire someone, younger, cheaper, they don’t think I’ll stay on the job a long time, they want me to use a different technology when I know other ways to get the job done).
In returning to the attendees that I was with this week, I began to share with them a model from my Life Coach training on Levels of Energy which we have a choice in using and experiencing for every single circumstance we may meet in our day. The Victim is the lowest of these levels at Level 1. If one chooses not to experience things as a Victim, they most likely next move forward to Level 2 which is Confrontation. Level 2 is still a negative/destructive way to live, in that one is constantly angry and looking to blame everyone else for their problems. In addition, they are only happy if they win or get what they want, and everyone else is unhappy or destroyed.
I continued up the Energy Levels for our attendees. I explained how one usually goes to first Acceptance (Level 3), to Doing for Others (Level 4), to Collaboration (Level 5). In each of these levels, (which are all positive), there is a gradual climb from being happy yourself, (and not necessarily caring about how others feel), to total caring for others, (at the exclusion of yourself), to working together so all involved are enjoying what is happy in terms of an outcome. I closed my brief explanation with explaining that Levels 6 and 7, (which are often difficult for people to live at), are ones where an individual is just happy to be doing whatever it is they are doing, to doing things and not placing a judgement on them at all.
Immediately, I had a request from one of the attendees to share what I had talked about, in a presentation to another job search support group that she oversees. It made me realize that the Life Coaching skills I had learned even before the Career and Job Search coaching skills I later learned, intermix very well with each other. And, it also increased my awareness that you can go back to those items in your past that add value to people’s life and still make a contribution with them.
Are you frustrated with your life? Are you stuck in being a Victim? Do you feel there is no way out? Look to begin to turn your focus to one where you are able to find those items you enjoy doing, and collaborating on them with others. That is where true happiness lies. And, that is only going to happen when you both, look to be with others, and share with them from a perspective of being positive in your thoughts and actions.
