Moving Forward versus Moving On!
I was having a conversation recently with a close member of my family. She has been through a lot in the last several years. Admittedly many of the items have been quite stressful and emotionally painful. And, I must acknowledge, none of them were her fault. They could all be classified as the types of things that happen in a person’s life at one time or another (items such as the death of a love one, illness diagnosis and subsequent treatment).
For several months, she struggled with the losses in her life. Reading about the grieving process has helped. Returning to the church on a regular basis has also aided the process. And, often I realized as a trained coach and listener, sometimes just being heard by others was important. When listening, particularly during the difficult periods, I knew it was just better to acknowledge and validate, as opposed to offering advice or my thoughts on how I might handle the process. In fact, since one of the loved ones lost was her spouse, many times those trying to be helpful would say to her, do not worry you will move on, you will find someone else for your life since you are still young enough.
Frankly, that is not what my family member wanted to hear. She really had no desire to completely let go of what she had lost. So, she found ways to continue to have it as best as she could in her life. Pictures helped. Memorial objects also helped. Memories of great times with the people she loved began pulling her through. And, she has now reached the point, (especially having had time through the grieving process), to not only move forward with her life, but be there as someone to support others who may be experiencing feelings of loss from a major change or event in their life.
By profession I am a Career Coach, or the way I more properly present myself these days, a Job Search Strategy Coach. Most of my clients come to me having experienced some sense of loss. While some indeed do come because it is their choice to move onto a new career opportunity, the large part of my clients are the victims of a company eliminating their job position, a company closing its doors, or a company merging with another organization. Some are ready to take to the career search process quickly. Perhaps they really did not like where they were working anyway. Others have experienced the situation of job loss before, so have a basis from which to start a new search.
However, for some, it does take an effort to get started with the process. If where they worked was for many years, or perhaps it was the only company they had never known, there are feelings of doubt, confusion, and concern over whether a new company will even hire them. They may have been fortunate in a previous job hiring situation. A person that they knew changed companies and asked them to join them at the new place they were working. Or the place where they are working was their first job from out of school and the hiring company came to their campus, liked what they were about and hired them on the spot. There was no going to multiple interviews, no trying to identify companies, no reworking resumes and communication vehicles. All of this is new to them as a part of their life.
Eventually like the personal situations with my relative, they learn it is a choice between moving forward and/or moving on. I personally feel it is a little bit of both. Moving forward comes in the form of the stories that highlight your work accomplishments on past jobs, the transferable skills you bring to a new employer, your desire to use those skills to help a new population of customers receive the service they need. The moving on comes from the fact that there is an understanding that while the previous company may never come back again in their life, there is no shame in starting again, perhaps picking up on new opportunities or training that they may not have had, if the old job role had continued as part of their career.
When you experience loss, how do you look at what you are now facing? Are you the type that says I am moving on, because what has happened has happened and I have no choice but to find something new for my life? Or do you function better from a moving forward perspective, seeing where the skills and experiences of your past, help you to still be of value to others as you move onward in your life and career. The great thing is that you get to decide. Use the approach that is right for you.
