First, Build the Relationship
The year 2020 has had a definite impact on how we connect with people that we have never met before. Once the need to social distance, wear masks and not hold large gatherings became the normal, as opposed to the exception, individuals needed to find new ways to connect with each other.
In the field I am in, career coaching and job search strategy, one of the things that is stressed is to build connections via one’s Linked In profile. And, while I certainly agree and support that advice and approach, 2020 has brought for me a spotlight on the topic on how to best connect with other people, especially those that you have never met before, or don’t know very well.
Job searchers often ask me when they receive the advice to connect with others on Linked In is do they have to accept every connection request they receive. For me the short answer to this is NO! While it is great to build your network full of contacts, there are preferable ways on how to go about it. While I am fairly open in my connection style, I have noticed in 2020 having to put some restraints on accepting every connection request automatically.
It certainly helps if when someone reaches out to connect with me, (or I with them), if a short note is supplied on why we may want to connect. Even in absence of the note, I’ll look for things we may have in common. For example, are they in the same or complementary field as me? I may look at their profile, and see if they may have been in job search for a while and are looking to connect with experts in the field. Or I may look at the common connections that we have. If we share a large number of connection in common, and they are in similar networking groups as me, I would see the person looking to connect as someone I want to get to know better.
In the previous paragraph, I indicated that I may look to connect with people in job search. And, I do know that could be taken as a way of me looking to connect only to see the new connection as someone who would work with me as part of my business, and become a paying client. While that could happen, I also know that I am actively involved in a number of pro bono job search support group efforts. I have a large number of connections to other entrepreneurs or businesses who could be hiring. If I don’t make the connection and get to know the person, I am not in a position to help refer them for opportunities which may pass my way. As such, I will ask them how I may be of help to them, but never will I say, “I am a career coach. Work with me, and I will guarantee you I will find you a job.”
As I indicate in the title of this piece, that one should “first, build the relationship.” Since 2020 has had a major impact on a number of businesses, I have been deluged with a large number of connection requests. I must admit, I am immediately turned off, or have actually made the connection and removed it, when the person has approached me with something as follows. Their connection note will say “Your website is out of date, and I can make it far more attractive and get you a lot more clients.” Or their Linked In headline will scream “I have a Marketing System that helps to build 6 and 7 figure businesses for coaches and consultants.” There is nothing in either of those approaches that speak of first getting to know me, (and I getting to know them), the type of work they do, and the type of people they help. In fact, they basically say to me, “If you don’t answer my note, I’ll follow up with the next warm body I can find who may use my product or service.”
Please understand, I have made a good number of new connections in 2020, even with the pandemic. Some of them are not even in my own immediate geographic area. But, I can assure you that the ones that have happened, and were built and continue, or the ones where I certainly said, “I want to remain connected with that person,” have usually involved a telephone or Zoom conversation to get to know each other better, and an understanding of how they help individuals and they in turn understand how I am of help to individuals. We have built a foundation for an ongoing relationship.
So, remember, if you want to reach out to someone, introduce yourself first and look to set up a time to have a conversation with each other. On the other hand if someone reaches out to you, and makes you feel uncomfortable or you feel all they want from you is to do business with you and you are not ready to do so, . I am certain that there are a number of people who will enjoy getting to know you and you getting to know them.
