Don’t Act Your Age
One of the things parents will often say to their children, particularly if they are whining about something is “Act your age!” And while the admonition is to help the child “grow up” and accept that they are not going to always get everything they want, or have to face hardships in life, I came to the conclusion the other day that this same advice does not work as well as you continue to grow older during your life. Let me explain what leads me to this conclusion.
I often hear as a job search strategy coach, potential clients and job searchers moan that companies will not hire them or they did not get considered for a job because of their age. And, while I don’t disagree ageism does exist, (all you have to do is listen to the conversations or read the articles on the traits of different generations and the labels given to those generations), I still feel it gets back to the individual and how they relate to others that governs their success and happiness.
I was in line at my local Panera bread. Often I’ll meet clients or networking partners there, and grab a cup of coffee. My eye caught some of the individuals going to the counter. While not much different than me in age, they moved liked they were twenty or thirty years older. They fumbled to place their orders.
They were complaining about different things. Fortunately the cashier was a very patient individual, and politely made changes as decisions were changed, grumbling and mumbling came from the patrons and the line began to back up. At that moment, I thought to myself, these same people complain about younger people when they do things differently than they do.
One of my successes in establishing my coaching practice, and just living my life in general, has been to connect well with individuals from all generations and age ranges. I’m generally curious in learning about other people. I’m not one to criticize and tell them they should be doing something differently just because I might not do it the same way. If they ask me why I do things the way I do, I’ll explain why I am comfortable with the way I am doing it, or indicate that I can see myself eventually changing, but right now it may not be my top priority to do so. Additionally, even in giving job search coaching and advice I will explain things from a perspective of what I have learned tends to work best. I will not say, one must absolutely do things the way I say. However, I’ll explain what is leading to my recommendation, by citing examples from previous client experiences, or statistics. Or, if part of a suggestion appears to work for another, I’ll encourage them maybe to explore even that portion of the suggestion and see what comfort they have with the approach.
We all get older, and we cannot change that fact. Often we will be bias to ways that we have used to do things that are comfortable to us. And, changing for changes sake, does not appeal to all of us. However, that does not mean that there has to be contention between us and others from another age range. Be curious about what others are doing. Ask open ended questions to learn about them, their thought processes and their dreams. Give them encouragement when you can. Offer your assistance if they want to talk out ideas with you. Above all don’t be judgmental or critical. I have found that these are some of the best ways to not get caught in the “ageism mindset.” You will find it a more pleasant and upbeat way to live and you will likely learn more in the process about the world around you.
