Do You Tell, Teach or Involve?
A few months back I indicated that I had purchased my first iPhone ever, during the summer of 2021. Prior to that any of my mobile phones would not be defined under the term “smart phone.” As with any new item in one’s life, there is a learning curve in how to most optimally use it. For some that comes quickly. For others, based on the percentage of time that they choose to use all the features of a new device, it may take some time. And, in some cases there may be features that one never chooses to learn for one reason or another.
During 2021, my Mom passed away. My sisters are the ones who lived with her. In recent years they took advantage of Mom being a part of their lives by capturing pictures of her with family, friends and of Mom herself just relaxing with their cell phones. One of my sister’s indicated to me that having the pictures of Mom on her cell phone helped to comfort her since Mom’s passing. Knowing that I now have an iPhone, she wanted to afford me the same ability as she did, for which I was thankful.
My sister sent me a sizable number of pictures. I had learned a while back how to receive pictures sent to me to my phone. So, I began trying to receive the ones that my sister sent to me. The first several I received to the phone quickly. As I looked to add additional ones, I began to have difficulty. That led to frustration. I was sure I was doing the same steps to receive them. What could be happening? Even though I was alone in my easy chair receiving the pictures I imagined a scenario where my frustration would lead to either someone ripping the phone out my hand and saying here, let me put those pictures on your phone, to others telling me, just do this, or just do that, or that you are doing this wrong or that wrong. Ultimately, after receiving a few of the pictures, I took a break and said, “Let me get back to this another time?” I even looked to do some research on what I might have been doing wrong. The conclusion I came to, was in trying to receive a large quantity of pictures at once, I had compromised the amount of available memory on the phone for uploading the pictures to my phone from my email account.
Why do I recount these events for you? They stuck with me for a couple of days, near the time I prepare my monthly blog and newsletter columns. As I was exploring for a quote for the Absolute Transitions website for the month of February, I searched for quotes on the topic of teaching. The one from Benjamin Franklin, which graces the website this month connected with me. Notice the quote says “Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.”
It can become very frustrating when someone does not get a concept as quickly as you do. I know I can be guilty of that fact myself. Depending on how pressed we are for time, how persistent and befuddled the person with the difficulty in implementing something is, or if we’re often trying to accomplish multiple tasks at the same time, we fall very much into either the “I’m telling you stage,” or even worse the “Here give it to me stage,” where you perform the task, but have not helped the person to do it themselves.
Perhaps, you may need to schedule a time with the person in need of guidance, when both you and they can devote undivided attention to the task that you are looking to help them learn. Or, maybe you can ask them would they like to take the time to learn how to do what it is they are trying to accomplish? Or, even more so, perhaps you can even say to them, I’ll look to show you how to do this task, and then not only will you be able to do it but you in turn can help others to learn to do it. (Often something that took us time to learn becomes an item we find that we become at explaining or teaching to others).
So, if you find yourself either becoming frustrated about teaching someone how to do something that seems easy for you, or you see them becoming frustrating with not accomplishing what they are looking to do, ask them if they would like to block out a bit of time to learn how to do what is frustrating them. And, remember, as the Benjamin Franklin quote inspires, the more you teach and involve, and the less you preach, the more likely you will be able to assist someone learn something that one time was difficult for them.
