Conflict vs. Drama

Conflict vs. Drama

As I write this blog in mid-August 2020, for publication in September of 2020, I suspect that there will continue to be a great deal of conflict going on in the world around me. While frankly during this past year there continually has seemed to be conflict, why I expect an escalation of it within the coming month is for two reasons.

One is by that time pretty much all schools would have been in session from anywhere from a couple of weeks through a little more than a month in the United States. I can see battles raging at that point over in person learning versus learning virtually. Statistical chances seem to indicate to me that somewhere or another in the country, (possibly in several places), schools that chose to open their doors might have to shut down in one form or another due to Corona virus outbreaks.

The other force driving conflict throughout the United States will be the period leading up to the national election in November. By mid-November campaign season will be in full swing. With a Presidential election, the entire House of Representatives, a 1/3 of the U.S. Senate, and many state and local races, the passions and the accusations will be flying fast and furious, (whether that be in person, or virtually).

I have throughout my life been identified as a person who tends to be conflict adverse, or chooses to avoid conflict. And, I suspect that does have some basis of truth in it. However, as I have gotten older, increased my knowledge of people through my coaching and learnings, I’m not so sure if is correct to label myself, (and others like me), as ones who look to avoid conflict. I think a better way to describe it is that we tend to want to avoid “THE DRAMA,” which gets wrapped up in the conflict.

Early in the month of August I found myself getting wrapped up in “the drama” more than I would care to admit. Some of it came from reading articles, (or comments on the articles), that differed from my opinion. However, the incident that I remembered most bringing it to a head was losing my composure over something placed in front of me by a friend.

My friend is the one who introduced my wife and me to each other, and for that both my wife and I will be eternally grateful. She felt we would be a good match, and we are. We have always known that our values and hers are similar in some respects and diametrically opposite on others. Two such areas where we are divergent are religion and politics. And, usually we avoid the two subjects when we speak to each other be it by phone, (which is how we communicate most often), or in person. Unfortunately, the two items came together to cause “the conflict” which led to “the drama,” which reinforced a lesson for me.

Our friend reached out to us by text to ask our feelings on the Pastor of our church dictating to a parishioner about not being able to wear a “politically oriented” T-Shirt that was offensive to some of the other parishioners. My wife and I like our Pastor very much and feel he has guided our church wisely. Without getting a full perspective of the entire story, my first tendency was to defend our Pastor. Our friend felt that the Pastor was not showing compassion for other viewpoints, was dictating his feelings on the congregation, and missing an opportunity to educate the congregation on being tolerant of other viewpoints. I immediately got offended at that viewpoint, and told our friend not only my feelings but how she had ruined my day and how I did not want to hear further from her.

Afterwards I did my own further investigation of what had happened, as I had not been privy to all the details of the situation. Yes, our Pastor had expressed to a parishioner about not wearing a politically oriented T-Shirt in church. But, that was because the parishioner was “the lector” for the mass at which he was wearing the shirt and other parishioners reacted. The lector is someone who is reading from scripture. When performing the role, he or she is a representative of the Church in that role. Their function is to share the words of scripture and no other opinion. That is part of their training for the role.

Our pastor had addressed the parishioner through letter that was meant to be private between the Pastor and parishioner. However, the parishioner had chosen to share the letter with the town newspaper. In the Pastor’s letter he plainly stated that the parishioner was free to wear whatever clothing he wanted when attending church, just as long as he was not in the role of the lector. Upon hearing all the parts of the story I had realized:

• I had allowed myself to get caught up in the drama of the situation before hearing all parts and aspects of what had happened.
• I agreed with our Pastor on his viewpoint, and realized that he would have reacted the same way no matter what statement the shirt had made.
• He never asked the parishioner to not wear the clothing in church, just while performing a role for which he knew certain obligations were expected.

Reflecting on what had happened, (and also at items that had been bothering me around the same timeframe), I learned the valuable lesson of not getting caught up in the drama. I am going to have feelings and opinions with which others will differ. With some individuals we can discuss our differences, and we agree to disagree. With others, they’re going to be persistent at trying to make the case that their view is right and try to change mine. But, only I can make the choice to change my opinion, but that will only be if I have a time to get the entire story, have time to weigh the situation, and then choose to believe and support that which I choose. It is a far more serene way in which to live.