Are You More Interesting Than a Telephone?

Are You More Interesting Than a Telephone?

I have seen it so many times. I am in my local pizzeria. A group of students from the local high school are there at a table. I look over at the table, and there is no conversation going on. Each of the students is fixed only on one thing, and that is what is happening on their cell phone. Or I have also seen couples sitting down at a table to get a bite to eat. The same thing is happening. Instead of talking to each other, they are each engrossed in their cell phone. And, finally, the following scenario, (and this one really gets me angry). A parent is with their children at a table. The parent looks to give the child a distraction, (coloring book, game to play with, etc.), and instead of connecting with their child in conversation, they are enamored by what is on their cell phone.

Yes, it may be important to stay informed. And, perhaps a call does come through that cannot wait that must be taken at just that time you are with someone else. However, I know that I love connecting and catching up with individuals that are a part of my life. During the course of a given day for example, my wife and I will get busy with our different activities, (me with my coaching and presentations to job search support groups, she with her English as a Second Language tutoring with others who are from other countries than the USA). However, when we do have an opportunity to sit down and catch up with each other, (sometimes it is at the dinner table, or it can be just in our living room taking a few minutes aside to talk to each other), we have always agreed the phone is put aside at that time, and we are fully focused on the other.

As part of my career coaching practice, where my focus is on the strategy of developing a job search plan, the second of the five steps is Research. Research basically takes place in two different forms. One is Secondary Research. That is when one uses sources like the internet, books, trade journals, library tools, etc. to learn of the needs of companies and professions in which they have an interest. However, the other type of research is “Primary Research.” Primary research is all about engaging with others. It is about learning what may be happening at the company which they work. Or it could be about learning of the steps that another took in pursuing their current career, (the trainings they went through, how they learned about opportunities at companies, what are the needs of the organization for which they work now). While that information may or may not be relevant to you the listener at that moment, it could have a significance for you or someone in your life in the future.

Admittedly, things have changed in my own life in the last four years. Prior to 2020, I was out of my home office often, visiting clients, having in-person networking coffees, making being out and about part of my day. Like many, my life has become more “home bound,” using my computer to connect with those with whom I work. However, even there, I have learned, that if one takes the time to schedule regular connections, (via online virtual sessions, telephone calls, etc.), they still fill that need for human contact and stay in touch and learn from others. I know that, throughout the course of the given day, while quiet time and activities for myself are important, I really put my energy into those conversations, (whether business or personal), that I have with others. When I really stop to think what can be most draining in my day, I find it is getting caught up in what I may be looking at on my telephone, where I can find 15 different articles with 15 different opinions and slants to them in a moment’s notice.

So, the next time you are with someone, and you are about to sit down for a conversation, treasure that time. Look to listen attentively to them. Have questions ready to ask them, so they can share their thoughts and feelings. Above all, look to cut out all the distractions, (the phone, the radio or television, or even the thoughts wandering through your mind). You will have time for all those other items, when you put time aside to plan for yourself.