An acquaintance of mine, who is a regular attendee at a job search support group I facilitate, recently sent me an email. He started it with the line “I don’t want you to think I have been drinking, but I believe what I just watched in the following YouTube video may be very helpful when interviewing with someone in a job search.” After observing the video I wrote him back to indicate that I not only agreed with him, but it actually reinforces an approach that I learned in my career coach training and which I look to reinforce with my clients. However, seeing it enacted upon in the YouTube video made me realize that it likely may be more effective for those with whom I work by seeing principles in action in environments they already accept and enjoy, as opposed to just explaining to them what they should consider doing.
Let me put the above all into context. The link to the video my acquaintance guided me toward was on a YouTube channel named “Charisma on Command.” The actual video itself is entitled, “Why Tyrion Can’t Be Killed.” For those of you who don’t know who Tyrion is, (and I was certainly among them before seeing the video), he comes from the popular television series “Game of Thrones.” Tyrion is from a powerful family that is involved in the power struggle that is “Thrones.” He is the most vulnerable looking character there is in the story. He is a dwarf who is deformed. He looks like he can be easily eliminated very quickly. However, he is amazingly people smart. And, as the video shows he is able to get what he wants by basically asking all that he meets, (and especially those who look to threaten him or do him harm), one very simple question, “What do you want?”
The video goes on to show that Tyrion not only asks the question, but then uses the following skills to his advantage. First he is an excellent Observer or “Cold Reader.” Tyrion is constantly open to observing what it is that others want, in their words, expressions and actions, and looks for ways those desires align with his goals. For example in the video a bodyguard hired to protect him is actually looking to harm him. However, Tyrion has observed the bodyguard has a weakness for women and for gold. Tyrion comes from a rich family. These are items he can provide to the bodyguard. But, that only happens as long as Tyrion stays alive. Secondly, Tyrion is a great listener. He has learned that if you listen close enough, people will tell you exactly what they want. He then looks to align those wants with those items or skills that he has that can meet those needs. The third and final thing Tyrion does is Asks about People’s Stories. An individual’s stories influences their perspective. That perspective may not be the same as your own. However, if you can not only hear the story of another, but show empathy for their feelings, it goes a long way in making a connection with them and developing a relationship.
Ultimately, the video and its lesson is about influence. Influence, true influence is about showing people to get what they already want is by following (or hiring) you. It is not about convincing people to want different things than they already want. Finally if you become adept and creative at this approach, there is a way to do things that will get more for both you and the person you are trying to influence.
Some of you may say, “Game of Thrones” is just a television drama. How can it help me? But, that is just the point of the video and this post. Those who focus on achieving that which they want or need by only looking at it from their own perspective, are destined to be frustrated and likely fail in the long run. However, those who are able to read people, work through people, and align what others want to what they want to accomplish, provide themselves with a decisive advantage as they move forward through their life.
